


Safe In Their Arms

by Kolivans (arka_r)



Series: Koliro drabbles [6]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Ficlet, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Polyamory, Soul Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2019-01-10 04:15:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12291039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arka_r/pseuds/Kolivans
Summary: Shiro was tired.It was the kind of exhaustion that seeped into his bones and weighing him down until all he wanted was to lie down and close his eyes forever. He was tired of being scared, tired of fighting, of seeing people die and watching those he loved die.





	Safe In Their Arms

**Author's Note:**

  * For [punkrock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/punkrock/gifts).



Shiro was tired.

 

It was the kind of exhaustion that seeped into his bones and weighing him down until all he wanted was to lie down and close his eyes forever. He was tired of being scared, tired of fighting, of seeing people die and watching those he loved die.

 

When he met Ulaz, he thought his life would be better. For awhile, it did. Ulaz set him free and took him back to the Blade of Marmora, where he met the others— Thace, Antok, and Kolivan. For awhile, it felt like he found a place where he belonged, a place where he was loved. A place like _home_.

 

He  _ loved _ it.

 

At first it was kind of overwhelming, being cherished and so loved by four people all at once. But they never made him feel overwhelmed— they took their time until he was ready to return their feelings. And oh, when he did, it felt like he was the luckiest man alive.

 

Ulaz loved him brightly and passionately. He defended Shiro from the other Galra— the bad ones and even the other Blades too, his own comrades. He stayed by Shiro’s side the most, taking care of his needs; mentally, physically, and later  _ sexually _ . 

 

Sometimes Shiro felt like he couldn’t repay Ulaz for all he’d done, but it all didn’t matter to Ulaz. He was always eager to shower Shiro with love and affection.

 

Thace showed his love in the form of endless patience and reassurance. He waited until Shiro was absolutely ready and made his first move. Even then, he still asked if Shiro was sure about their relationship. It irritated him, sometimes, but Shiro knew that Thace only wanted him to be okay.

 

Sometimes, when Shiro was woken up by nightmares, Thace would be there, somehow knowing about his distress. He didn’t push Shiro to tell him about the nightmares, but he would give the most soothing backrubs and cuddles.

 

Antok was more awkward about showing his love, as if unused with showing affection. But he easily made it up with eagerness.

 

He was so  _ eager _ to show Shiro around, teach him about everything he wanted to know about the Galra— not as an evil monster who kept him captive for more than a year, but as  _ people _ , with its own culture and history spanning over than a  _ million  _ year. They’d been around  _ way _ before the first human existed, achieved interstellar travel when the humans were still mostly hunters and gatherers.

 

And wasn’t that so ironic, to have the most obviously Half-Galra one to teach him about the Galra?

 

It didn’t take Shiro long to notice that Antok’s awkwardness mostly stemmed from his status as Half-Galra. It wasn’t so bad here with the Blade of Marmora, where the majority of its members were hybrids and Non-Galra. But he knew that it was  _ worlds _ different back in the Empire, where hybrids and Non-Galra were seen as lesser beings. He even faced a few hybrids in the Arena, back when he was still the Champion. He saw how they were treated lesser than animals.

 

But it all didn’t matter for Shiro; he loved Antok just as much as he loved the others. Maybe more, he sometimes joked. “There are more of you to love”, he said, referring to Antok’s gargantuan size. That simple joke made Kolivan so  _ jealous _ , it was almost ridiculous.

 

Because there was no doubt that Shiro loved Kolivan the most out of everyone. They might have a bit of a rough start, thanks to Kolivan’s position as the Blade Leader. They were so stern, cold, and detached— but that was only until Shiro found about their softer side.

 

_ Relatively _ softer, at least. Shiro found that once a Galra fell in love, they fell  _ hard _ , and there would be nothing to stop them from showing how much they cared and  _ loved _ .

 

And Kolivan loved Shiro with  _ unrivaled _ fierceness. They made him feel like he was the most important, the most precious thing in the world, and Shiro loved them just as much, if not more.

 

Sometimes, Shiro still doubted himself, but those doubts were something fleeting and never long-lasting, not when he was surrounded by those who loved him and cared for him.

 

Then, of course, it all came crashing down when the reality of the war hit them.

 

Ulaz went first, sacrificing himself to save Voltron, to save Shiro, because there was no other way—  _ no, there has to be another way _ . He went in a bright, fiery blaze that destroyed the robeast and a significant amount of xanthorian clusters around it. It set off a chain of explosion that made them had to get away before it got to them and the Castleship.

 

Shiro didn’t even have the time to mourn, because soon Zarkon’s fleet was chasing them halfway across the galaxy and he had to deal with the lingering bond between Zarkon and the Black Lion afterwards. 

 

He still didn’t have time to mourn when they went back to the Blade of Marmora headquarters to forge an alliance with Voltron, or after that, when they were planning to take down Zarkon. Then, he had to go to Beta Traz for a jailbreak mission, and Shiro was on the last strand of his sanity, meeting Slav.

 

It all kept piling up. The next he knew, Kolivan suspected that Thace had been compromised—  _ captured _ , probably tortured for information, and it took everything in him not to take the Black Lion straight into Zarkon’s main ship and rescue the man he loved so dearly.

 

He went into that last battle with worry clawing at his gut and determination set into his jaw. He had been so determined to rescue Thace, whatever it took— even if the man that he loved was already gone, he  _ needed _ that confirmation himself. Not this uncertainty that made his insides roil. 

 

But there was a plan to commence and the fate of the Universe hung heavy upon his shoulders.

 

Sometimes, Shiro wondered that if he were a Galra, he would damn the entire Universe just to save Thace and brought Ulaz back to life. There were certainly a few times when he was  _ seriously _ considering it. It would be so  _ easy _ for him to do it and no one would be able to stop him until it was already too late.

 

All it took was a single push, a single turn, and he could crash the Black Lion into the hull of Zarkon’s main ship. He could find where Thace was being held captive, he could  _ save _ him. But something always held him back, he didn’t know what, and it  _ frustrated _ him to no end.

 

It didn’t matter, anyway, because the comm crackled to life and Keith reported back, telling them all about how Thace sacrificed himself to further their plan— and Shiro broke down a little in the Black Lion’s cockpit, wishing that it was all just a dream.

 

But it wasn’t a dream, and Shiro focused all his anger, all his grief, to Zarkon. He brandished it like a weapon and struck the tyrannical emperor’s armor, tearing it to pieces. He wore it like an armor and grit his teeth through the pain that Zarkon inflicted to him one last time.

 

Then, it all went dark.

 

— 

 

Shiro wondered if he died.

 

It felt like he was floating in zero gravity, not quite here, not quite there. Stuck in the liminal spaces between realities. If this what death looked like, it sucked, but it gave him a little bit hope that he would be reunited with Thace and Ulaz.

 

He wondered what happened to Antok and Kolivan. Their bond was already damaged too badly that Shiro couldn’t tell anymore if they were alive or not, but he hoped that they survived the battle and continued to live in an universe where Zarkon no longer existed. 

 

Of course, there would be a lot of work to dismantle the Empire wholly, but he had the utmost faith that the Voltron and the Blade of Marmora could somehow do it.

 

He just wanted Antok and Kolivan to live— alive and  _ happy _ . 

 

He didn’t know how long he was drifting away like this. Time seemed to pass differently in here, and he no longer felt pain or hunger. He was still so  _ very _ tired, though, but it felt like he could finally rest, before moving to search for Thace and Ulaz. He wondered if he could find them in the afterlife— would Humans and Galra share the same afterlife?

 

Shiro chuckled a little at the thought. Humans still didn’t know that alien existed beyond their solar system. Imagine if one day you died and you found that aliens existed after all, but you couldn’t tell anyone about it because… well, you were already  _ dead _ .

 

It was a weird thought, but it allowed him to relax and close his eyes for a bit—

 

— but then he heard someone calling his name.

 

The voice was familiar, but Shiro felt like his brain was still too exhausted to properly remember whose voice it was. When he opened his eyes, he saw Kolivan, and he felt his heart break a little.

 

He honestly had no idea that Kolivan didn’t survive too— why else would they be in the afterlife with him? But that meant Antok was all alone and his heart broke again at the thought. He wished that wherever Antok was, he was living his life to the fullest, instead of mourning for his lost bondmates.

 

His attention was being pulled back again when Kolivan called his name. They were wearing odd spacesuit, not the usual Blade of Marmora ones, with clear faceplate that allowed him to see the anguish on their face.

 

Shiro didn’t understand why Kolivan looked so sad. He was here and they were with him. Everything should be fine now, and together they would find Thace and Ulaz too— but it felt like his voice was gone when he tried to speak.

 

Wordlessly, he lifted his hands to cup Kolivan’s face. His hands were so small and he wished he could touch their face, could ruffle their soft ear tufts to reassure them. He wished he could kiss the tip of their nose— that never failed to bring smile to their face, and he just  _ wished  _ he could do that, just so they would stop looking so sad.

 

His eyelids felt heavy and he circled his arms around Kolivan’s neck before letting his eyes shut once again. This time, he wouldn’t let  _ anything _ to separate him from one of his bondmates every again.

 

—

 

When Shiro came to his senses, he felt so unbearably cold.

 

But his hand was warm, and he cracked his eyes open to see Kolivan’s larger hand enveloping his smaller one. Kolivan themself was deep in sleep, head resting on the white sheet of Shiro’s bed, and their expression was so peaceful. Occasionally, their ears flicked and Shiro wondered what they were dreaming about.

 

The realization that both of them were not so dead after all, came a little bit later. He wasn’t dead and he recognized the room he was in as the one in the Blade of Marmora headquarters. He was still alive, and so was Kolivan. 

 

Could it be that everything was just a fever dream? Ulaz’ death, Thace’s death. Was the battle against Zarkon’s main fleet also a dream? Shiro turned to the door, hope bursting in his chest, as he counted time for it to open and let Thace, Ulaz, and Antok to enter the room, laughing jovially at his recovery.

 

But that time never came. The door remained shut, and Shiro choked on his own tears because he couldn’t accept that— that Thace, Ulaz, and Antok were  _ dead _ . It couldn’t be,  _ no _ , they had to be alive because otherwise it meant—

 

— it meant Ulaz died at Thaldycon to save him and Thace at the final battle against Zarkon,  _ and he didn’t even know what happened to Antok _ .

 

“… Shiro?”

 

Kolivan’s voice made him gasp. Slowly, he raised his head from between his knees and looked at Kolivan with tears in his eyes.

 

Kolivan looked… disheveled. Their hair was hanging limply as if they had stopped taking care of it and their mane was matted in several places, but the smile on their face was so wide and so bright it could rival the twin black holes outside the headquarters.

 

They gingerly raised their hand to touch his cheek. It shook so badly before the soft pad at the tip of their fingers touched his skin. Shiro leaned into the touch and placed his own hand over theirs, tears and snot flowing freely down his face.

 

_ God _ , he probably looked like a mess.

 

Without warning, Kolivan pulled him into a hug so tight he could feel it in his bones, and he returned it in similar manner because Kolivan was warm and  _ alive _ , and they were the only one that he had now. Kolivan made a series of high crooning noises that Shiro knew was supposed to be comforting, but it only made him cry even  _ harder _ .

 

Eventually, the tears began to ebb. Kolivan was rubbing circles to his back, and though it reminded him of Thace and made him want to cry again, he resorted to hug Kolivan even tighter.

 

“It was all real”, he said, his voice cracking.

 

“It was”, Kolivan answered, pressing kisses to the top of his head. “I’m so sorry, my love. I wish I could say it wasn’t.”

 

“What about Antok?” Shiro asked. He wanted Kolivan to answer him that Antok was okay, he was only taking care of the Blade matters at the moment, and he would rejoin them in a tearful but happy reunion.

 

Kolivan made a sad chirp as their shoulder shook.

 

Shiro let his tears to fall once again— Kolivan’s cry broke his heart into a million tiny pieces.

 

“I’m so sorry. I am so sorry, Shiro”, Kolivan whispered repeatedly and Shiro wanted to reassure them that— no, he was the only one who was sorry. He was gone for who knew how long, leaving them all alone.

 

All this time, Kolivan went through everything  _ alone _ . No Ulaz, no Thace, no Antok, and Shiro was gone too, probably presumed dead. He couldn’t even imagine how it felt. He couldn’t even imagine how Kolivan was still here, not completely swallowed by grief. He didn’t think he could do it, if it were him.

 

Shiro shook his head and did what he always wanted— he cupped Kolivan’s face in his hands and pressed kisses to their nose.

 

“I should be the one who’s sorry”, he said. “I’m sorry I left you. I— I thought I was already  _ dead _ . I gave up on you.”

 

“I know that you didn’t do it on purpose”, Kolivan smiled weakly. “That’s why I never gave up on you. I knew I could find you.”

 

Shiro shut his eyes and pressed his forehead to Kolivan’s.

 

“I’m here now”, he said.

 

It was a promise.

**Author's Note:**

> pssst, go check [my tumblr](https://xblackpaladin.tumblr.com/)


End file.
